Another Venture in Blogging

I must confess from the outset that I'm very bad at journaling of any type, particularly blogging. (Even though I only had a blog once, and that was briefly before I started college.) I think it requires a kind of discipline that I have not yet developed, as well as a willingness to recount things that have happened recently, which entails reliving them. Though I probably dwell on the past as much as the next person, something in me doesn't like inhabiting it enough to write about it. Something to investigate and challenge, I suppose.

It's just now hit me that I'm moving to New York in just a little over a week. I have quite a bit to take care of before the big day arrives, and even more to take care of once I get there. Just a heads-up, I will be getting a new phone number soon after I get to New York, so keep eyes open for that. Also toward the top of my to-do list is to find a "survival" job to provide me with an income while I'm auditioning and presumably not getting paid to act (though I hope that's not the case). I'm looking for something with flexible scheduling that can give me some kind of interaction with people, so I've been looking at the possibility of cell phone retail sales or *gasp* working at one of those glitzy, slick Apple stores. But I'm not sure I want to be pushing people to buy lots of electronic gadgets that might preclude them from finding other things to engage themselves with, like reading a book or even, if you can imagine it, seeing a play!

There is one thing, however, that fits the bill, and involves something I condone: alcohol. Though to some it might be misery, I think I would really enjoy bartending. I've wanted to learn more about drink mixing and different kinds of alcohol (particularly wine, which I don't drink), and bartending is totally flexible and quite lucrative, from what I understand. Oh well, another possibility to explore.

A discussion with my mom last night, sparked by the horrible shooting of George Tiller, brought about a lot of realizations for me: though America once was, I believe, a Christian nation, our culture no longer has a common set of values born out of a particular faith, as Americans did in 1776, and for me to push my faith-based ideas on people through legislation is 1) wrong and 2) fruitless. I value the sanctity of life, and though I'm not sure, I think I might be pro-life in regard to the abortion debate (in the same way I oppose capital punishment), but I am in no place to judge another person's situation: who am I to say that a woman absolutely must keep an unwanted pregnancy, no matter what? Instead, I think it's more important to acknowledge the right of others to make their own decisions and, more importantly, to love them regardless.

I have been reading a book called "The Year of Living Biblically" by Esquire Magazine writer A.J. Jacobs, in which he sought to spend a year following the commands of the Bible as literally as possible. It's a great read, everyone should check it out. One of the questions he has stumbled over in the process, particularly once he begins to focus on the New Testament, is whether to follow the letter of the law (i.e., not to touch a woman who is menstruating and, therefore, "impure") or to obey instead the overarching spirit of the law (i.e., to accept a handshake or a hug from a potentially "impure" woman). I think my aforementioned realization was spurred on by considering Jacobs's question: is it more important for me to embrace God's divine plan for every human life from conception until death, or is it more important to have empathy for a suffering person and to love them in their pain? In the case when such a person does not know Christ, I think the overwhelming answer is to love them. It makes no sense to me to ask, require, or legislate someone to act according to a value system which they do not embrace; it's as if you asked me to write a new translation of "The Odyssey," but I don't know how to read ancient Greek. I think the power of God's Spirit is the only power which enables people to act in accordance with His command.

Talking with my mom also got me thinking about other things: worshipping idols vs. worshipping God, and what it really means to follow God wholeheartedly. There are a few big mountains I am climbing in my life right now, one of which is obviously the process of moving to New York and fighting for my right to be a working actor, and another which I have discussed with only a few people but is just as daunting. Wanting to certainty in my life so badly, it is hard for me to not have anxiety about the future and to create scenarios in my head of what I desire or fear coming to pass for me. I think the hardest thing for me in my walk with God is to trust that He knows the way, and that His way is the best way, even if I can't see what the road looks like up ahead. If you read this and you believe, please pray that I would surrender completely to God and serve Him wholeheartedly, trusting that his rewards are better than anything I can fathom for myself.

Argh! See, this is why I don't journal--this is the kind of heavy stuff that I inevitably end up writing, and I'm sure it's not half as hard to write as it is to read.

I'll conclude with some more upbeat things--I'm going up to DC this weekend to see my friend Jessica, and I'm quite excited for it. Also, I'm not a big movie-goer, but I really want to see "Up" soon, and I hear "Star Trek" is good, and I heard about Sam Mendes's new movie, "Away We Go," with John Krasinski from "The Office," and I think I'd like to see that too. I just hope that, being in New York as of a week from now, seeing all these movies doesn't drive me into poverty.